Relationship Trend (Princess Treatment)

What Does Your ‘Princess Diary’ Reveal?

 Do you have a penchant for ‘princess treatment’ or ‘bare minimum’ when in a relationship? Both are trending as hot topics in social media as well as in intimate circles. Read on to discover your ‘lovey dovey’ side and pick your romantic preferences.

By PRAMITA BOSE

In love, partners spoil each other with gifts and cosy up in a warm embrace to express fondness, commitment and intimacy. They woo each other with sweet gestures and freeze frame the moments shared together in blissful silence.

A man, particularly, coddles his sweetheart with a disarming charm and chivalry to make a note of. He casts an infectious smile and leads her to a ballroom dance floor for an impromptu jig. In return, the lady obliges him with a nod and moves around him like the rotating arm of a compass in a flaired whirling gown. The lover stands static like the other arm spinning his beloved in one hand with the other placed behind his back. This session continues to seal a lifelong bond of companionship and conjugal union.

If a man makes the first move, the wife can also step ahead to show her romantic side. This interpersonal communication and exchange of vows can go a long way in stabilising their relationship. It can take seconds to cause a rift but it takes miles’ distance and endless hours to repair that fracture and mend a marital relationship.

“You may try some wonderful options like presenting your hubby or boyfriend a wallet, a cool T-shirt with love notes and couplets embossed across it, a perfume of his preferred brand, a bracelet, brooches, a statement key ring, a gold or a silver chain with a cute pendant encasing a picture of the ‘you two’ as a couple and many more such offerings to make him feel very special and infatuated with,” a relationship guide drops a few handy tips.

But is this treatment garnering greater support from the millennials and the Gen-Zee cohort?

Fairytale Love

Love is an eternal emotion that navigates a relationship phase like an ‘affair to remember’ and in due course of time, the chemistry culminates into marriage. The love doves turn husband and wife. The lucky life mates continue to receive that ‘princessy’ attention and mete out the same in response. At least they are expected to do so as they have had already set those couple goals during their courtship days.

“However, this also means that they are not mentally ready to take on the spouse role. They continue yearning for that extra devotion, interest and care from their concerned partner all the time, instead of sharing responsibilities and showing emotional maturity in their relationship,” observes life and mindset coach Ruchi Dwivedi.

Realism Over Rosiness

“For a relationship to build up and sustain in the long haul, both need to evolve from romantic excitements to mellow psychologically where they can consciously nurture trust, communication and mutual esteem. One must look at the practical side of relationship dynamics instead of assessing it through rose-tinted glasses. That’s what keeps the sparks alive in the long run, not just the initial glow,” analyses Dwivedi in depth.

Romance in a relationship usually dies after the first couple of years and it takes hard work and sincere efforts to keep the fire kindled long after the initial years of marriage — encapsulated as the honeymooning period — flip by.

“After we get hitched, we stop treating our partners like girlfriends or boyfriends. We treat them like wives and husbands. The ‘he is the one’ or ‘she is the one’ treatment disappears and we start seeing the defects in our partners. We are no longer dazed as a wide-eyed enamoured fool but a man or woman with realistic evaluation of life,” deduces life coach Milind Jadhav.

However, he insists that “I for one believe that it is possible to continue being besotted with love in a relationship if you can let go of the billion expectations you seek from your partner and simply accept the way he or she is”. This can definitely make the couple feel good but the bigger question here is, “are we willing to put in that much of effort and mindfulness to make it happen?” he shoots. “Are we committed enough? It is difficult but not impossible. Rather, it is magical,” he says.

Male-Female Power Ratio

While it feels great to feel like a fairytale prince or a princess in a relationship, from the feminist point of view, does this induce overdependence of the female partner on her male counterpart, underlining the typical notion of patriarchy?

“I guess, it’s time to introspect and do some reality check on ourselves. Do we truly deserve this majestic treatment and stay ensconced in a la la land for good? First and foremost, it’s important to accept ourselves just as we are. That reflects self-love with no unrealistic demands imposed on others. Why do we have to get a piggyback ride to validate our importance? If we burden our partner’s shoulders with too many expectations, we are bound to get disappointed,” argues Jadhav.

When a woman becomes too accustomed to being constantly nestled, cushioned and protected, she may slowly start losing touch with her own reality, freedom and strength, volunteers Dwivedi. “This excessive reliance can make her vulnerable, shake off her self-confidence and reinforce the old patterns of male chauvinism, causing an unequal gender power equation. A healthy relationship allows both partners to be co-dependent as well as capable in their own ways, thus not losing their individuality,” she infers.

Young government employee Samarth A Naik too admits that “men can run the risk of being labeled as a henpecked hubby if their life partners bestow them with too much love, care, attention, control and authority”.

Is a Sounding Board Necessary?

Do women require an external support to look and feel good? Can this undermine their liberty, intrude their personal space and rob of their democratic rights to choose whatever they want to do and wear, wherever they want to go and live, voice their own judgement and opinion, and take their own informed decisions?

“Women absolutely need no monitoring or micromanaging to tell them what to do. No human for that matter appreciates that, irrespective of the gender,” Dwivedi sets the record straight.

“But sadly enough, if a woman has grown up in an environment where her opinions were not held in high regard or she wasn’t encouraged to articulate her feelings freely, she may unconsciously start seeking her partner’s approval. The key is to develop her inner assurance or self-belief. When a woman is aware of her worth, she doesn’t need to depend on outward nods to feel good or make her choices,” she asserts ahead.

Sowing Small but Reaping Big

Can small romantic gestures and the zeal to move mountains in a relationship help keep the zing alive even after having a family as motherhood then becomes a woman’s topmost priority?

“Less is sometimes more than what you can ever imagine and such small efforts invested by the other half always make you fall in love with the same person everytime. I feel we should be each other’s world and a happy bubble. I know for a fact that parenthood is part of both our lives as two souls become three. So, stronger the partnership we forge, the better it is for our love nest and the future,” advocates part-time content creator Pooja Jaiswal, who’s been married for a year now.

Ultimately, comfort zone forms the crux of a lasting relationship, especially in an age where there are multiple options to easily wriggle out of a monogamous (which often turns monotonous) bonding if something goes awry. “The roots of the tree of union that are planted should be solid enough to hold the two love birds together for many suns and moons. If you are content with a person even in the face of an upsetting situation, rest assured, you’ll grow in love, complement each other and spread your branches over the years. There is no question of walking out because this fine-tuning is rare to find,” Jaiswal vouches for.

Naik hopes that the princess treatment from his would-be wifey continues in his marital life as well. “That’s how I think it would make every day memorable for us together,” he reveals.

“I think such little endearing efforts keep the affection and chemistry alive in a relationship,” he philosophises.

“By constantly looking out for each other and more importantly being friends first is what forms the basis of an everlasting relationship, especially in an era where weddings are easily on the rocks and couples go separate ways in no time,” he concludes.

Plain Vanilla Relationship

When asked if she would ever prefer a ‘bare minimum’ treatment over a ‘princess-like’ one where zero energies are spent or least efforts are made to make the better half feel special, to that, pat comes Jaiswal’s shot: “If you fall head over heels in love, nothing is bare minimum. Treatment should be larger than life. So, I raise a toast to the princessy conduct, if on offer.”

“For a relationship to flourish and survive over a long period of time, it is important that the couple treats each other with kindness, respect and always have a channel of authentic communication open where they express how they feel and what their unmet needs are. For me, that is a bare minimum treatment and is far more realistic compared to an over-the-top aristocratic one,” envisages Jadhav.

Naik’s vote goes to ‘maximum love’ instead of a ‘bare minimum’ treatment where minimal or basic moves are made to sustain a relationship.

Two to Tango

Both male and female partners should make diligent efforts to meet halfway and make the circle (a symbol of perfection) complete in a relationship so that it can last forever weathering many storms, espouse psychologists. Two sensible individuals first need to understand themselves — their values, needs, behavioural patterns and the emotional graph. Once they form a loving liaison with themselves, they stop depending on the other person to fill in the emotional gaps.

“When two self-aware and sensitive people come together, they naturally connect and strike a chord built on respect, love and care sans the stings of ego or dominance. They support each other’s growth, provide space and succor to each other’s sentiments, put a balm on each other’s mental scars and navigate life as equal partners,” concedes Dwivedi.

“Empathy is important” and is “the most expensive gift” the partners can present each other in a relationship, points out Jadhav.

“A relationship like marriage can be enduring, may be spanning decades (40 or 50 years) and in that period, it is important that the couple live in their present moment and bury the hatchet of the past. Let bygones be bygones. All the past unfulfilled expectations, grudges and complaints should be erased from their memories to start afresh. Usher in a new day and begin a new journey. Inculcate an interesting habit if you can to rediscover your partner everyday,” suggests Jadhav.

In the converse case, can even women doling out a special treatment to their men and making choices on their behalf hurt the male ego as men are often expected to play the dominant role in a relationship? Men usually wear the pants and take the lead. But is it time to reverse the role?

“It’s all about balance between feminine and masculine energies. The man’s role isn’t about dominance but it is his presence, protection and responsibility that speak volumes about his abilities. And the woman’s role brings emotional depth, charm, warmth and nurturing. When both synergise and complement each other, it creates magic and constructs a beautiful universe. But when this equilibrium is disturbed — for instance, if a man feels disempowered or incapacitated to fulfill his natural role — it can trigger friction or emotional distance and can cause trouble in paradise, which might threaten to collapse. That can even capsize a steady boat. Consequently, the relationship might seem to go kaput,” elucidates Dwivedi.

The desire to be doted on with lavish romantic escapades straight from the Regency and Victorian eras or be emotionally supported through thick and thin by one’s soulmate just as a rock-solid pillar are nothing out of this world but it certainly takes a village to convert dreams into reality. It’s a mutual responsibility to nourish the embryo of love before it hatches an outcome.

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