Relationship Trend (Chalant Dating)

Don’t Drift Away While Dating

Find out what’s the buzz about chalant dating that discourages one to be a half-hearted dater and waste time in stretching the waiting period to respond to a hopeful. Instead, it persuades to be engaging, enthusiastic and caring in exploring love, assignations and relationships.

By PRAMITA BOSE

Be firm than flippant

There’s no room for dawdling or beating around the bush here. Gesture language interpreters would insist on adhering to a direct approach and hitting the bull’s eye straight. “Make the first move and pop the question. Otherwise you may miss the bus for good,” they would instruct.

“Best is to mingle mildly and never be meddlesome because there’s always a thin line. Expect reasonable responses with a dignified silence. The wisest stance is to show the right intent with very little attachment to the unpredictable outcome. Be curious but not a control freak trying to rein in another person’s feelings,” prescribes relationship counsellor Dr. Ramya Shanbhog.

Defensive on the first date?

Keeping your cards close to your chest could be a strategic ploy. Hence, the best policy is to be absolutely upright and straightforward when presenting yourself. But then, how much to reveal and what to hide is the big deal here.

“Personally, I don’t think I’d completely open up to a total stranger on my first date. Comfort zone is the big deciding factor for going on a date with someone. I’d probably give my nod if I know that person already through my surroundings or social circles to strike a filament of familiarity, trust, an amicable tone to talk in and vibe with,” asserts Aman Singh, strength and conditioning coach from Bangalore.

“I think finding your confidante is something that can happen naturally as the faith develops. Gradually, you may warm up to your date and if God willing, both of you could be on the same page at some point in time. From that moment, you can uninhibitedly wear your heart on your sleeve,” he elaborates.

26-year-old Aakruti Pradosh, a Masters in forensic science, possesses similar views: “I’d possibly be a little apprehensive at the first meet-and-greet session.” “I prefer biding the time till the right opportunity comes before I could share everything. I mean, you can’t always fake it till you make it. The person, experience and the environment around us should be relatable and relaxing enough for me to loosen up without an iota of awkwardness creeping in,” she confesses.

Authenticity is key

Emotional maturity, free-wheeling chitchats, a good sense of humour, kindness and consistency are a few qualities that Pradosh looks for in her future date. “I’d want someone I can be myself with and who makes a bonafide effort in getting to know me,” she believes.

Singh avers that for him “empathy with a capital E is a pre-requisite. I want someone who can understand and respect the other person’s perspectives even if they don’t necessarily agree to a point.”

Accepting each other’s different backgrounds, mindsets and disparity in opinion can often help find a middle path and make things way more compatible if both are aiming to stay together, he suggests.

“A well-sorted person with great calm and high awareness in handling difficult situations will always appeal to me. Humility is another attractive attribute that has the potential to build something beyond just initial interactions in the long run,” he wraps up.

Don’t spoil the show

Healthy flirting and friendly banter could be fun at times in spicing up a conversation or to convey that ‘first impression’ with witty humour. But hey! lo and behold. For a reminder, never forget to practise caution, lest you may inadvertently turn out to be loose lipped and nip all possibilities in the bud, relationship experts sound the alert button. After all, well begun is half done, ensuring that the battle can be partly won if taken the correct strides.

One must know where to draw the line to stay decently within limits, or else one could invite trouble with his/her blunt remarks. Well, that’s the basic idea. “I don’t like motormouths for sure. Neither would I welcome carefully-tailored responses from the person face to face. The communication on a romantic date should flow in organically,” shares 29-yearold retail manager Prabhat Das.

Be bold and not blank

You yearn for tender love, longing, privacy, smouldering passion, intimacy and a fluttering heart skipping a beat. Be passionate and not wear a pokerfaced expression. You can’t afford to draw a blank at a lunch or dinner date. Be always in ‘the present’ mode and intensify your focus. In contrast, those repulsive hollow expressions worn on a prospective match’s visage or zero squeeze felt in his/her heart, plus no urge for proximity shown and surprisingly, the obvious lack of pain noticed during estrangement or even after going separate ways post a break-up could easily trigger a ‘turn off’ signal.

This ‘being aloof’ attitude serves up an annoyingly snooty behaviour of silent distain (read nonchalance), thus allowing one to act pricey and feel too big for one’s boots. In other words, it provokes throwing one’s weight around in a subtle manner.

“I like coming-of-age, mature scripts dealing with calm, responsible and practical-minded lovers who can think on their feet and are tied to everyday reality,” reveals 33-year-old fitness trainer Devanshi Gupta. “I would definitely desire my prospective date to belong to this class,” she chips in.

“Today’s era might appear ‘aptly measured and cut out’ for those ‘footloose and fancy-free’ birds but honestly, a demeanour of such kind hardly ever stimulates me,” observes 40-something HR head Trisha Garg. “I find it quite frivolous rather. I mean, how on earth, can you remain so unperturbed by the impact of your surroundings and the people around you!” she wonders.

On the contrary, a chalant suitor or a clued-in lady-love will almost instantly revert to the text messages to keep the fire of enchantment alive and always look for myriad paths to bump into their ‘mio amore (my love)’. When spending quality ‘we time’ becomes so precious and almost null, then couples look for ways to get enough of each other and work on their love equation.

Chalantians believe in ideal love, cling to that idea, nurture the chemistry with their immediate love interest, make incessant efforts to keep him or her ‘happy and secure’ all the time and stay completely invested in the relationship unlike the much-addictive ‘situationship’ fad.

Nay, the two of you don’t want to end up as ‘friends with benefits’ but as committed love doves who walk to the altar to exchange conjugal vows and say ‘I do’ only to be declared as ‘man and wife’. But before marriage gets printed on the cards, the courtship stage becomes crucial to zoom in on that ‘significant other’ and fix the nuptials.

Cinderella or ‘Tinder’ella

Whether you wish to make your BFF (best friend forever) your soulmate or want a fresh entrant in your life as ‘your forever’, the choice is entirely yours. But the bottomline is, should you be the fairytale heroine Cinderella or a compulsive scroller swiping right and left without a pause, choosing and rejecting dates for a probable relationship?

In the former case, even if you lose a pair of your ‘princess shoe’ as well as the magic spell of your fairy godmother after the clock strikes 12 midnight, you know your knight in the shining armour will find the lost pair and match with the one that you already possess. The prince will sweep the damsel in distress off her feet and live happily ever after in their love mansion in sweet union. So, the question you may ask yourself is ‘what you are precisely searching for — a home cocooned in stability or some out-of-the-blue zing to kindle sparks in your life?’

Spot the red flags

Mind games could be toxic. So, better be intuitive and watch out for the gaps if someone is cheating you, especially at a time when benching and catfishing are rampant. Concentrate and read the indications beforehand. Or else you could be duped and ditched in the pretext of a better replacement. Meanwhile, chalanters set the stage with a clear roadmap, reflecting transparency of their plans for a weathered relationship.

“Playing with human sentiments are inherently unhealthy and harmful. In that sense, the wind of change towards chalant dating or partner searching with noble intentions is surely a favourable move,” opines Dr. Shanbhog.

“I’m more inquisitive about identifying patterns that recur as common blips rather than isolated incidents. If someone is willing to talk over phone but never shows up in person and keeps postponing the dates abruptly, then you know it’s time to do a reality check. If need be, you might even have to cancel that person from your list,” she debunks.

Is it cool to judge at the very outset?

Is it morally ethical to be circumspect about a person and judge him/her initially when you cross paths through social media or a dating site?

“We are inherently built to form a preconceived notion about a person, which is unavoidable but actually protective. At first sight, our observation should be a hypothesis, not a verdict,” advocates Dr. Shanbhog.

“Healthy online dating requires slow trusting, careful vetting, a discerning mind and perpetual flexibility to revise your opinion,” she ends.

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